Q&A with Nicky Forster ex-player, manager and now mentor
BIO:
Nicholas Michael Forster (born 8 September 1973) is an English former professional footballer who was most recently the manager of Staines Town. Forster has also been player-manager at Brentford and manager of Dover Athletic.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicky_Forster
Question 1
When football stopped being the thing that defined your daily life, how did you redefine who you were…not as a player or coach, but as a person?
"There’s no doubt about it. It was tough being outside the bubble of professional football, but I was determined that I wasn’t going to be defined only as a professional footballer. For me to do that would be admitting that my life had finished at 36 years old in my case. I’m naturally a metric/goal driven individual, so I quickly set myself targets, such as opening my own Wellness Centre and running my first marathon, both of which I achieved within two years of coming out of football.
Today the graph has moved on and I am still setting daily, quarterly and yearly targets. I will always be proud of my playing career but the things I’m most proud in my life are the things I’ve achieved outside of the game.
I think having a vision and taking action towards that vision is fundamental for everyone. I often use quotes, phrases and life lessons to add meaning to my life and particularly my life mantra which is Courage Action and Resilience and I fall back on that regularly when required. I’m also aware that time and life is a finite resource, and the Latin phrases Memento Mori (remember that you must die) and Memento Vivere (remember to live) inspire me to make the most of time and keep experiencing as much as I can in life."
Question 2
You spent years in elite environments where performance was measured every weekend. What was the hardest mental or emotional adjustment when that structure disappeared?
"To be honest, during my playing career, I was always holding myself accountable for every performance both in training and games.
I was never one to shy away from the truth and I could often be heard shouting at myself (on a pitch) when my performance didn’t match my own expectations. Generally if I was happy with my performance then I was pretty certain that others would be too (managers, coaches, family, fans et cetera). I saw no reason to stop holding myself accountable outside of the game and so today, I still look myself in the mirror and tell myself ‘well done’ if I feel it’s warranted and ‘this isn’t good enough’ when it’s warranted.
I still feel today that the best conversations I have with myself are the ones that are the most challenging to hear. You know the, “you’re not doing enough here pal” or “this isn’t good enough”
For me this is an area of life now that has become softened with individuals not holding themselves accountable, looking to place blame it elsewhere, and feeling that their own outcomes are often in the hands of others rather than themselves. For me, my outcomes it will always start with me.
“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”
Stephen R. Covey
Questions 3.
Fans know the goals and the clubs but what’s one off-the-pitch moment from your career that fundamentally changed how you view success or failure, and that most people wouldn’t know about?
"This one runs parallel to the quote from my previous answer.
This doesn’t relate to a particular moment, but a consistent learning throughout my career that there will always be something to challenge us. Elite sport is incredibly tough, a ruthless environment, but in different ways so is every other profession, like bringing up children, or moving house, or having relationship issues, or financial problems.
There were a number of individuals throughout my life and especially my time as a professional footballer that taught me how to be resilient, and I think today that is one of my greatest strengths. It relates to the thing that I am most proud of in my career. For everything I achieved, promotions, playing for England under 21s with the likes of David Beckham and Gary Neville, being named in the PFA team of the year on two occasions, these were all nice moments but the thing I’m most proud of by long way is the amount of games I played (722) and the amount of goals I scored (223).
To put this into context, based on available research into career appearances, my 722 professional games places me in approximately the top 0.1% of professional footballers for games played and my 223 career goals places me approximately in the top 0.05% of professional footballers for goals scored.
To achieve these showed a resilience that I am immensely proud of.
“You can’t beat the person who never gives up”
Babe Ruth
Question 4.
Was there a specific moment after you stopped playing when you realised you needed to take control of your next chapter and what actually triggered that shift?
"No, like I said that internal drive has always been there and I’m always looking for the next thing, during football that as always the next goal, it didn’t matter how many I had scored in the game, I could’ve scored a hat and I still run back to the halfway line thinking “okay let’s get another”.
In fact, for me now, it’s often the case I have to work on the opposite side to this. I rarely sit at the top of the hill and pause to look back at the view, I’m looking at the next hill, so slowing down to breathe and enjoy the moment has to be a deliberate action. I’m getting better at it, seeing it as an important rest and recovery before the next challenge rather than a waste of time and the associated guilt."
Question 5.
If you could speak to your younger self (or a 22-year-old pro today) what’s the one thing you’d tell them to start doing now to prepare for life after football?
"I’d tell them to start living now, not later.
Life is a finite resource. It isn’t something to be delayed or put on hold until a later time. It’s there to be lived fully (whatever ‘fully’ means to you as an individual) not to be looked back on with regret.
Football gave me structure, identity, and purpose for a long time, but one day it stopped, my life couldn’t as a result of this.
I didn’t want that to feel like an ending, an end of a chapter yes, but then another began.
So, build interests, values, relationships, and challenges outside the game while you’re still playing. Say yes to things, especially experiences you may think are not for you.
Take responsibility for your growth as a person, not just as a player.
My aim has always been that I want my life to be as full after my football career as it was during it.
That only happens if you choose to live intentionally now, with courage, action, and resilience, rather than waiting and ultimately regretting.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do, rather than by the ones you did do.”
Mark Twain
“So, tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Mary Oliver
You can find out more information here: nickyforster.com